I was 35 weeks pregnant and it was the last morning of our baby-moon. (PS, don’t go on a baby-moon at 35 weeks pregnant. Go at 25 weeks pregnant. You’ll enjoy it much more!) I got up early and walked myself down to an empty beach. In those last few weeks leading up to my daughters birth, I went on as many solo outings as possible. I took myself to lunch, I went to a movie, I sat alone in the park. It always felt like it was going to be my last minute alone…for the rest of my life. And on those outings, I was always looking for “signs”. Signs that I was going to be OK, that my baby was going to be OK. Signs that labor might be starting soon, that my body would know what to do, that I would be a good mother when it was all said and done. This particular morning was no different.
As I sat down on the sand, I noticed a perfect looking sea shell next to me. I started doing my morning meditation and opened my eyes just in time to see a rush of water coming toward me. I gathered up my belongings and moved back a few feet and as I settled, I noticed an identical looking shell in the same position beside me.
I picked it up and turned it over to find a gorgeous blue swirl design and the word “Release” immediately came to mind.
I walked back to where the water had rushed toward me a few moments before and found the shell I had noticed earlier. I turned this one over to find it gleaming white like the white “Surrender” flag I just thrown up to Mother Nature as I moved out of her way.
Release and Surrender were my “signs” for the day.
Since the beginning of my pregnancy, I had a very specific plan for what I wanted to eat, the workouts I wanted to do, how I wanted to feel, what I wanted my body to look like, how I wanted my baby to enter the world. I found myself constantly grappling with the reality that I didn’t have any control over any of it. On this day, I interpreted my “sign” as, It was time to release, surrender and accept that this was all out of my control.
You can eat the healthiest diet possible. Exercise and strengthen your muscles in preparation for labor and birth. You can meditate and create a serene internal environment for your growing baby, but when the times comes, know that you must practice releasing control.
Knowing that and actually believing it are not the same. I later found this out during my labor and still continue to re-learn this lesson well into parenthood…we are an evolving work in progress.
I added the two shells I found on the beach that day onto the birthing necklace my closest friends for made me at my Blessingway. They felt like important lessons to be included as reminders for my labor.
That very same necklace shattered within the first few intense hours of labor and to this day, my daughter always seems to have one of the beads stashed in a backpack, bag or a pocket. It’s always beyond me how they got there but they seem to to remind me of a reoccurring theme in my life-LET GO! I may never fully learn this lesson but the signs are always there.
I created a release and “down-training” series within the Strong Mom Society platform this month to help anyone else that may have trouble “letting go” practice embodying this work through movement. Its the series I wish I would’ve had for myself years ago. <3
My wish is that you find your own release and surrender throughout this journey.
And know that if you don’t, the Universe will find a way to remind you and it may be in the form of 100 tiny beads for many years to come.